How to Break Free from the Cycle of Emotional Reactivity
We all have our moments when we feel like we just can't control our emotions. It happens to the best of us. This is known as emotional reactivity, and believe it or not, it is a cycle you can break free from. It just takes a bit of work, and the ability to understand why we react the way we do. Today we are going to take a look at how to break free from the cycle of emotional reactivity. Let's get started.
What is Emotional Reactivity?
Have you ever had moments when you found yourself not able to control your emotions? Maybe you started crying, or yelling, or even throwing things for no good reason. Of course, you are aware that you are overreacting, but you just can't help yourself, even though you know you are going to regret it later on. This is called emotional reactivity, when we see that “red mist”, or react to what we think is a threat that causes this type of reaction.
Unfortunately, the reaction tends to cause us to be verbally and even physically aggressive. This is reactive aggression, as opposed to proactive aggression, which is not spur-of-the-moment but more deliberate. When reactive aggression happens, it is because we have temporarily lost control of our senses. This type of breakdown can lead to acts of rage, which we regret afterwards.
Signs of Emotional Reactivity
There are several signs of emotional reactivity. For instance, you may begin to notice that it takes very little to set you off, and that when you do react, your reaction is disproportionate to what is actually going on. Other signs of emotional reactivity include:
You get upset and storm off because things aren't going as planned, and you have a sense of righteousness and feel everything should go your way.
You feel that your reaction was caused by specific circumstances rather than looking within yourself to figure out why you are reacting this way.
You don't like being around people, and they don't like being around you.
You become defensive about everything, and if you feel you are being criticized, you have a sense of resentment.
You find that you lose your temper too easily, with little to no provocation.
You know there is a theme to these outbursts, but you can't quite put your finger on what that theme is.
The Reasons of Emotional Reactivity
When we are faced with what we see as a threat, we often tend to have that emotional reactivity. There are many emotions that can trigger this, including:
Guilt
Anger
Stress
Fear
Being Judged
Outrage
Anxiety
Soul Fragmentation
Depression
Regret
These are all natural feelings, and we all have them. The trick is to learn how to control them. It all comes from our brain chemistry. Real or not, when a threat is perceived, we go into that “fight, flight, or freeze” mode, which triggers the hormones that will skew the way you think and tell your body it is time to take action, even if that action is negative.
How to Overcome Emotional Reactivity
Fortunately, there are many ways to overcome emotional reactivity. For instance, you can begin by responding to situations instead of reacting to them. Playing the part of the victim isn't going to get you anywhere, and it can make things even worse. Choose how you respond to all types of situations where things aren't going as you planned.
Other ways you can work on overcoming emotional reactivity include:
Take a Deep Breath
Take a couple of seconds to take a deep breath before reacting to any situation. If you feel that you are about to lose it, that time you take to breathe deeply will allow you to think about what is happening. Are you upset about the situation itself, or something within it? When you take time to think, your reactions will be better thought out.
Understand what Triggers You
In order to be able to deal with emotional reactivity, you need to understand the things that trigger it within yourself. This isn't going to happen overnight, and it will take work. But, it will be well worth it in the long run. Every time you feel you are about to lose control, think about what you are thinking and feeling. After things have calmed down, take a look at how you reacted, and figure out what it is that actually triggered you. Do this every time you are in this type of a situation, and after a while, you will have a better understanding of your triggers.
Re-Energize Yourself
When you are feeling physically and emotionally drained, it doesn't take much to trigger emotional reactivity. So, find things you can do throughout each week to replenish your body, mind, and soul. For instance, you may find that meditation helps a lot, or getting out and exercising. Enjoy your creative pursuits, such as art, music, cooking, etc. Basically, take some time for yourself so you can recharge and be better able to deal with any negative situations that arise.
Flip the Script
Rather than blaming others for the way you are feeling, take responsibility for your own feelings and emotions. Instead of getting angry at someone for something, tell them why you are upset and come up with a way to turn it around the next time. For instance, if you were supposed to hang out and they blew you off at the last minute, let them know that this bothered you. Then, ask them to, if possible, give you more notice the next time so you can make other plans.
Conclusion
You don't have to be emotionally reactive, once you know what triggers you and how to deal with it. If you are unable to figure these things out, it may be time to see a therapist, who can help to identify the negative behaviors and how to make changes that will allow you to not be overcome by your moods.
Journal Prompts for Processing and Regulating Emotions
One of the best ways to understand and truly feel your feelings is writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal. This can be particularly helpful for anyone who tends to ignore their feelings, because they do not understand how to acknowledge or process their emotions. From the time we are born, we are often taught to suppress our feelings, and we end up with a whole range of emotions built up and ready to burst out, or in other words, emotional reactivity.
Journal Prompts
Let's take a look at some journal prompts you can use to help you to better understand your feelings and emotions. Remember to always have a paper and pen handy to write these things down as you think of them.
Love Yourself – Look at the things that are holding you back, and then write some words that will comfort and support you. You need and deserve self-love and self-compassion.
Watch Your Emotions – Keeping track of your emotions can help you to learn more about yourself. Every day, throughout each day, write down how you are feeling at any given moment, and why you are feeling that way. Do this for a few weeks, and you will have a better idea of how your own emotions work.
Figure out Body Reactions – When we are emotional, our bodies react as well as our minds. For instance, stress may cause your neck to hurt. Sadness may give you a heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach.
Understand Your Emotional Pain – Think about something that hurt you emotionally. What were you thinking when it happened? How did it make you feel? Were there any negative or positive behaviors as a result? Did it cause you to have unrealistic ideas about yourself or others?
Dig into Your Memories – Think about your strongest memories, and how these experiences may have changed you, for better or for worse. Do you need to make amends with someone? Perhaps you need to talk about these memories with someone who was involved in order to understand and deal with the emotions.
Look at Your Grief – Start a fresh page, and begin with “My Thoughts Related to Grief”. Write down everything that you are thinking and feeling.
Look for Ways to Let Go – Write a list of questions about relationships, experiences, etc that you want to let go of, and then answer questions, such as why you can't let some things go, where you see yourself in a year after letting go of emotional baggage you don't need, etc.
List Your Support People – Create a list of people who you can use as an emotional support system.
You don't have to use all of the above prompts. In fact, you will likely come up with many more of your own as you start getting more and more into journaling. Once you have some prompts written down on paper, it will be much easier to understand and regulate your emotions. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.
© Angel Magazine 2025