An Introduction to Emotional Resilience

How are some people able to pick themselves up after they fall, even when it seems impossible? It seems like others are ‘tougher’ or ‘stronger’ than us when they can summon the willpower to keep going, where we have none. But really, we all have the ability to build emotional resilience to life’s challenges.

A higher level of emotional resilience allows us to handle the stresses and challenges of life more effectively. Managing major life crises and emergencies can be made easier when one has a higher level of emotional resilience, as well. If you’re looking to improve your life, investing time in building your emotional resilience could be a great place to start.

Your age, gender, socialization, and previous life experiences can influence your level of emotional resilience. Depending on what you’ve been through, who your teachers have been, and what trauma you’ve experienced, your level of emotional resilience could be great (or need some practice).

The term emotional resilience refers to your ability to mentally and emotionally deal with a crisis, and how quickly you can return to a pre-crisis state. It refers to the idea that you are equipped with the knowledge, habits, processes, and behaviors that protect you from any serious negative side effects from stressful life events.

For example, let’s say you are served the wrong order at a restaurant. Does this ruin your entire meal? Are you anxious about telling the server? Does the small event spiral into something out of control, so much so that your day is kaput? Or, let’s consider something worse: you receive news one of your family members has been diagnosed with a chronic illness.

How you deal with this news could be a measure of your emotional resilience. Spiraling into severe emotional distress is a sign of relatively low emotional resilience. This isn’t to say you aren’t an incredibly strong and persevering person. It’s just to say that you can build your resiliency to life’s obstacles to make it easier to cope and continue living life in a hopeful and positive way, despite minor or major setbacks.

Anyone can become emotionally resilient, no matter where you come from in life. Building emotional intelligence and learning how to better cope with life’s stressors is something that literally anyone can do. With practice, reflection, mindfulness, meditation, and other self-awareness tools, you can create an aura of hope, peace, and positivity strong enough to withstand any storm life throws at you.

Emotionally resilient people tend to share these common traits or habits:

Surround yourself with friends, loved ones, relatives, and community members that make you feel better about life. Invest as much as you can into these relationships. Our brains actually require social support to reach optimal functionality. Connecting with others is part of our human anatomy, and it helps to relieve our stress and calm our minds. Isolating yourself is a surefire way to make difficult situations in life even harder. Reach out to the people you care about in your life, and keep those connections as strong, safe, and real as you can. These are the people you can fall back on in times of need.

In a study of emotionally resilient people, optimism was found to be one of the most powerful tools for overcoming challenges in productive ways. There’s no need to completely ignore the negative aspects of your life. Balancing realism with optimism is the key to navigating challenges with more ease. While it’s healthy to recognize and name the negative information flowing into your life, try not to hold onto it. Disengage as quickly as you can from situations that are out of your control completely. When you have a win, celebrate it as much as you can. When you lose, take note of what went wrong, and move on.

Do you notice your thoughts tend to lean negative? Thinking optimistically is a learned habit. It has to do with the pathways you create in your brain. Continually complaining and focusing on the bad parts of life reinforces your brain’s habit to think negatively. You won’t be able to change these pathways overnight– but you can start training your brain to see life differently.

This all boils down to emotional awareness, or, being as mindful as you can with your thinking. Pay attention to thoughts as they flow through your brain. Try monitoring them as if they are part of a TV show in your head. Thoughts that don’t serve a positive outlook on life get recognized, seen, and then, thrown away. Change the channel! With more practice, you’ll begin immediately refuting negative thoughts as soon as they arise in your mind. This will make you an incredibly resilient person in your day-to-day life.

One of the best ways to build emotional resiliency is to practice self-care. True self-care, however, is not always bubble baths and face masks. Sometimes it’s a bit uglier, and a bit more mundane.

True self-care involves making promises to yourself about who you want to be, and more importantly, actually keeping them. Do your dishes, stay on top of your laundry, visit the doctor when you need to, and take care of yourself as much as you can. Celebrate your wins, and learn from your losses. Practicing self-love and self-compassion in little ways each day can truly build your emotional strength over time, because you are building the trust you have within yourself. By investing in your relationship with yourself, of course, you strengthen it!

Staying connected to your spiritual side through whatever practices you see fit is one of the best ways to stay emotionally strong. Connecting with a higher power, a universal truth, or some sort of religious practice can help create stability and meaning in your life. Most emotionally resilient people report having some sort of connection to the spiritual world, although that connection looks quite different for everyone.

There is absolutely no shame in seeking the help of a mental health professional. If you feel your emotions are too much for you to navigate on your own, talk to your doctor about seeing a therapist. Therapists can help us to see life in new ways. They are trained to teach us helpful tips and tricks to manage, regulate, and assess our emotions. If you feel you could benefit from the expertise of a therapist, there is no harm in exploring that option. It could lead to the breakthrough you’re looking for! Remember, your mental health is one of the most sacred and important things you have in this life. It’s worth going to every length to ensure that it thrives.

Pediatrician Ken Ginsberg, MD, created the 7 Cs resilience model to help children learn how to overcome troubling times and build resilience. Yet, the 7 Cs can apply to people at any age, and can teach us all something about how to be more emotionally healthy.